The body language counts

CYBER CRIME AGAINST WOMEN BY DEBARATI HALDER

Recently I was working on one of my papers on sexting. When I started searching for literature and related informations , I came across many sites ………..adult networking sites to be precise, where men and women are depicted as ‘entertaining objects’ for sexually gratifying the site’s viewers. Many of these sites had links titled ‘amateur videos’. I did not have time to research whether these links were really ‘amateur’ or they were created by matured revenge takers. But this is for sure that many women do fall in the pit due to such video communications. Some sites like Yahoo messenger, Skype , Gtalk etc , provide this unique opportunity to see and talk to ‘friends’, relatives, colleagues etc. Now a days such video communications have become easily accessible, which was unthinkable even 15 years back. But the truth is, this ‘easy accessibility’ has made the users of the modern communication device ‘feel free’ when in front of the computer screen. No, it is not the pre teens, teenagers or young adults alone, who may expose their skin too much in video chatting sessions, but  adult male and females also may expose themselves too much .

In my earlier blogs, I had written about how women tend to fall prey to sexually pervert ‘boyfriends’. One must remember that being emotionally over powered by some one completely unknown ( and even known acquaintances too) and exposing oneself in front of the web cam may be a foolish job that one may repent for later. At the same time, users, especially women must not exhibit such body language in front of the webcam that can be (mis)construed to mean that the women is actually ‘inviting’. Such body languages may include  intentionally bending too much in front of the camera by which  cleavages or parts of the breasts can be seen, throwing flying kisses (especially when a person completely unknown to the woman is chatting),  removing of the dress or parts of the dress and cuddling up the pillow when chatting etc. I know many women feel free in front of the computer when known friends appear for chat over the blue screen. But in the Skype especially, one can capture still pictures from video chattings. One can even record the whole video chatting  without letting the other user know that she is being ‘recorded’. This indeed gives a broad chance for misuse of ‘friendship’. In India, the penal code may restrict any such video clipping, still pictures etc , published in the   net which may portray women  in  obscene and vulgar fashion, by tagging it as ‘harming the modesty of women’ under section 509; the Information Technology Act may restrict such images by tagging it as conveying obscenity under section 67A and above all, the Indecent Representation of women Act may also be pulled in to save the woman in question. But do remember, voluntary invitation of trouble by using bad  body language will inevitably land the victim in deeper trouble even if there are laws to prevent to floating of such ‘moments’ in the net. Many women do repent the ‘opening up’ later. Hence  be casual  yet formal when in front of the webcam. Do not let anyone take advantage of your feminity  and do not convey the message that ‘I am available for messy situations’.

Please Note: Do not violate copyright of this blog. If you would like to use informations provided in this blog for your own assignment/writeup/project/blog/article, please cite it as “Halder D. (2011), “The body language counts”, 11^th July,2011, published in http://debaraticyberspace.blogspot.com/

What Every Woman Should Know About Orkut

CYBER CRIME AGAINST WOMEN BY DEBARATI HALDER
 

In the late 2006 when I joined Orkut on the pursuance of a very close friend of mine, I found this particular site as an open gallery to show case pictures, and friend’s comments. Nonetheless, I found out very good  “communities” to discuss about varieties of affairs too. But in 2006 /7 the security of the data fed in the social networking sites was very poor compared to today’s security measures taken by these Social networking sites. As such, I had many “visitors” who wanted to befriend me in weird types. No doubt, those who have been using Orkut since then must have experienced similar things. But the irony is, in 2011 also, women have to experience similar  bad encounters in Orkut. Nonetheless, Orkut has developed quite a few security measures for the users, but many of the users may remain oblivious of them. Hence, when in Orkut, check the followings:

1. To protect your wall from being viewed by others including your friends, use the new version of Orkut. You may notice a “lock” sign after each post that is made by you. That is the privacy sign. Once you click “lock”, the communication would be visible to you and only the person to whom you have communicated.
2. Recheck your privacy settings. Do not let others “find” you from the web. You can control this by reediting your privacy set up.
3. If you wish to show your pictures to the world, make sure that you do not exhibit your private pictures. Create separate album for the public and separate album for your friends only.
4. Use pseudo names if you need to protect your identity .
5. Do not let others to handle your account.
6. In your favorite community, use the words carefully. Remember, provoked men and women may see you as a perpetual ‘nuisance’.
7. There will be men and women who may have ‘adult contents’ in their profiles. Do not try to befriend them to know why they have created such profiles unless you are seriously interested to fall in the trap. You may see requests from these profiles to befriend you. Besides saying “No”, you must also ignore and block them so that they do not disturb you in future. The profiles pages of these profiles will show you the options to ignore /block them on the left hand side.
8. If you see your profile has been hacked or your pictures had been misused, do not try to hack the faulty profiles. Remember, it may not serve any purpose and it will anger the mischief monger more.

Happy Orkutting.

Please Note: Do not violate copyright of this blog. If you would like to use informations provided in this blog for your own assignment/writeup/project/blog/article, please cite it as “Halder D. (2011), “What every woman should know about Orkut ”, 6^th May,2011, published in http://debaraticyberspace.blogspot.com/

PROMISES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN

CYBER CRIME AGAINST WOMEN BY DEBARATI HALDER

In this digi-courtship era, the worst nightmare one may expect is to break the promises for eternal love. But this is what every digi-lover must be prepared for. There are umpteen numbers of ‘love-windows’ ; for example, the SMSs, mobile phone  calls, internet chat options like the Yahoo chat messengers, Gtalk, etc to name a few. Easy accessibility to the private contact numbers and  the usage of proper language, be what vernacular medium it may, and enchanting human voice( in cases of audio chat options) could make the trick. And the human mind…………………………..how easily it can be duped.. Not very long ago I read news clipping in one of the regional newspapers that one person attempted to commit suicide when he understood that he can’t really go ahead with this “platonic” relationship. True, man or woman ………both can be duped by beautiful communicative, persuasive languages. However,  not to forget, sometimes some clever ‘romeos’ and even ‘juliets’ also provide good pictures which may or may not be their own. The heavenly feeling of being in love breaks when one partner dumps another for no valid reasons.

I had once read a very good scholarly article by Monica Whitty on online romance and cheating. Ironically, we Indians used to think that this happens only in the US. But look at the reality now, almost half of my readers in India would have experienced such false cupid attacks either directly or indirectly. In India, we women especially, can’t take this sudden hollowness in the relationship as strongly as our counterparts in the western countries may do. The feeling of being in love is the most sacred and purest feeling. Our mythology tells how Meera and Andal loved Krishna. None could really enjoy his company as his consort Radha did. But these two women are worshipped because of their unconditional pure love to some one whom they believed to be the truth of their lives. I find  digi-love affairs quite the same as that of Meera’s love for Krishna. The lover feels heavenly even if she has not seen the partner or she could not enjoy his physical company ……….. but with one big difference… Lord Krishna kept his promises to make his love immortal; the digi-age lovers break their promises to make the immortal feeling very much mortal. The hard and bitter truth is, the heavenly feeling has been reduced to merely earthly feeling when communication was made much easier through digital technologies. When in a stressed office atmosphere, a good female voice could really feel like a splash of fresh cool breeze.. This is vice versa for women walking on tight ropes as well. We humans tend to fall on unknown shoulders when we need to express our anxiety, expectations etc.In these circumstances, I have noticed that men and women often feel like running away from the existing relationships , perhaps to find some one new, who had never heard about them. Problem begins here. When such communications turn to lovy dovy chats, one may obviously feel that a peculiar feeling of trust is being born every time he/she talks with this stranger. In women this feeling could be stronger. But when this trust suddenly evaporates, it hurts; for, there are so many new ways to suddenly close the windows…. The man on the opposite side may change his SIM to avoid the calls, may change his virtual identity, and may even treat the duped woman ghastly by shattering her image in front of the whole world.   Well, known devils are better than unknown ones, and this maxim stands true in the digi-age, because law can probably compensate for the broken promises, but the broken heart takes it very long to understand that promises in this digi –age are not to be kept.

Please Note: Do not violate copyright of this blog. If you would like to use informations provided in this blog for your own assignment/writeup/project/blog/article, please cite it as “Halder D. (2011), “Promises are made to be broken”, 6^th May,2011, published in http://debaraticyberspace.blogspot.com/

  

Grooming the woman for bad

CYBER CRIME AGAINST WOMEN BY DEBARATI HALDER

Grooming the adult women had remained a much unrecognized trend of unethical cyber conduct. Often it is thought that it is the children who can be groomed for the purpose of cyber pornography. I defy such theories, for I have experienced myself how a new internet user can be groomed for  evil purposes. It is particularly very disturbing especially when the user is a woman and who needs emotional supports from outside her own family. The grooming sessions can take place in the public or even in private chat rooms, personal walls or scrapbooks of social networking sties like Orkut, Facebook etc, message boxes and even emails. The typical grooming lesson starts with warm friendly conversations between the harasser and the victim. the groomer may slowly overpower the victim to obey the ‘orders’ such as posting personal pictures, personal informations including financial informations etc; and  to restrain  her from discussing about her internet activities with her immediate family members like her husband, children and/or friends and relatives etc . The victim then becomes confident about her relationship with the groomer and may not accept any resilience as such when she is restricted from using the internet for reaching the groomer.

The grooming session may end when the victim is finally ‘exhibited’ in the internet in a very derogatory form and the perpetrator starts search for another ‘fresh prey’.

True, online grooming of the modern adult women is not an easy task……………..But I can neither accept the fact that these women who may be well educated, can not be groomed. I am using internet for several years for now and I have come across several women who come to internet with a crave to have friends , a good listener (read ‘reader’) of their every day routine of  juggling between husband, children and may be professional work. Home makers especially take internet as a real window to the outside world when their domestic chores are over and husband and children leave home for office and school college purposes. Mostly their status message in their networking profiles are construed as green signals for the groomers.

But do remember, adult female victims of online grooming may never get a favorable position when it comes to comparison between child victims of online grooming and adult victims of online grooming. The obvious reason lies with the level of maturity of the victims. Hence, it is best to be aware of the malpractices in the internet………….. ‘do not talk with strangers’ still stands good for adults especially when the stranger suddenly wants to make one more confident by his warm soothing words.

Wishing all women users a very happy women’s day

Please Note: Do not violate copyright of this blog. If you would like to use informations provided in this blog for your own assignment/writeup/project/blog/article, please cite it as “Halder D. (2011), “Grooming the woman for bad

”, 8^th February,2011, published in http://debaraticyberspace.blogspot.com/

Do not mess with your wife through cyber space; it could lead to divorce

CYBER CRIME AGAINST WOMEN BY DEBARATI HALDER

Marriages are made in heaven, but divorces may not be made only in the real space. People have found cyber space a perfect platform to express views about others and this may also include ridiculous humiliation of women, including one’s own wife. Truly, off late I have been noticing many ego clashes and typical domestic quarrels taking place through online chats and emails. Not very long ago a Muslim wife was declared legally divorced by the Shariat (Islamik law) when her husband conveyed the word “talaq” three times through online chat (see “Talaq joke during  internet chat may cost youth his marriage”(2010,October,27) in msn news. Retrieved on 25.12.2010 from http://news.in.msn.com/national/article.aspx?cp-documentid=4508570). The write up claims that the husband had unknowingly used the devastating word and that brought the marriage to an abrupt end. But Shariat is not the only legal source to punish such thoughtless idiotic communications which takes toll on marriages. The definition of domestic violence under section 5 of the Protection of women from Domestic Violence Act,2005, may also be cited as one of the preventive legal provisions which bars usage of humiliating, insulting words by husband or relative/s of husband against the victim woman. This law strengthens protection of women from verbal abuse hurled by their men especially when such verbal abuses are carried out by any means including the digital medium.

Sadly enough, in India, many educated men have taken to verbally abusing their wives over their work place designation, relationship with colleagues, child bearing capacity, attitude to their families and homes etc.  This is especially because these men do understand that physical violence over their wives may mar their own reputation as educated, matured and modern young husbands. Hence verbal abuse through internet could be the most sorted after way to express anger and frustration over the marriage relationship. If the  Supreme Court judgments over the grounds of divorce are analyzed in light of digital era, it could be seen that such via-internet mess up may include conveying insulting, humiliating words to the wife through online chat, emails, message box etc, spreading ridiculous messages about the wife to friends and acquaintances, creating fake profiles to irritate the wife etc.

No wonder, women also take to internet to abuse their husbands. Many anti-domestic violence law activists have rightly pointed out that the broad provisions of this Act supporting women almost blindly, may be misused by many women against innocent men. I do support them partly. But in a traditional patriarchal society like India once a woman’s reputation is destroyed by her husband, it is none other than the woman herself who has to suffer the brunt of the “mistake” of her husband. Cyber space must not create the war-zone between the husband and wife. Once it is turned in to so, even the law of the land may also not save the marriage.

Please Note: Do not violate copyright of this blog. If you would like to use informations provided in this blog for your own assignment/writeup/project/blog/article, please cite it as “Halder D. (2010), “Do not mess with your wife through cyber space; it could lead to divorce”, 27^th December,  2010, published in http://debaraticyberspace.blogspot.com/

Is your (virtual) boyfriend goading you to show yourself nude? Beware! He might be a cyber sex-addict.

CYBER CRIME AGAINST WOMEN BY DEBARATI HALDER

Very recently I opened an account in MySpace with a gender neutral name to get some more friends. As usual of the cyber trend, I received couple of messages from men and women and when I clicked on the women’s profiles I felt I have wrongly clicked on some porno site. All those girls who sent me requests braved to show their nude body parts, some could have very well be fitted as advertisements for stylish inner wears  for girls, some had smoky eyes, some wore decent dresses but maintained a “breast line” for their hemline to show off their cleavages. Some had low hip jeans pants which ended almost immediately where they begun. Well, I did receive request from men too; some had amazing six packs like movie stars, some had wonderful tattoos on their strong arms, some were again modeling for men’s under wears  and some had very decent dresses on them but the tagline told me they are mischievously decent. Well, this happens with every new user of social networking sites. Women users may get to see many male profile owners who are “really interested” in having a “relationship”. Beware if such profiles show a host of female friends who may have “sexy” profile screen names or sexually explicit pictures like women in bikini, in see-through lingerie, or women showing only nude breasts or groin or parts of these nude body parts. No genuine user would create such profiles in social networking sites specially made for all age groups for socializing. Either these profiles are impersonated profiles or are created for completely adult entertainments. Mostly men, who display such friend-list, suffer from addiction to cyber sex. This term represents a conglomeration of sexual activities including masturbation by getting high level sexual arousal after viewing the sexually arousing images/audio/video movie clippings etc.(see  Cybersex. (2010, December 9). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 03:19, December 18, 2010, from http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Cybersex&oldid=401497743). If befriended, such men can ask the female friend to come over for live video chat or show her pictures or can even ask for showing nude body parts like bare shoulders, cleavages, size of the waist, naval, the colour of the bra or even panties. Well, the man may not ask these things right at the beginning of the chat or socializing, but he may slowly gain the confidence, and then groom the victim to fulfill his emotional and sexual needs and finally go ahead with these “demands”. If the demands are not fulfilled, the ‘good friend’ can even turn a real ‘hard nut’ who can misuse the previously captured images or personal pictures of the victim that are shared with him.

In India, the recent Bombay High Court judgment about viewing of pornography in private places as a personal right (see http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report_bombay-high-court-says-no-to-blanket-ban-on-porn-websites_1357395) may really put such cyber sex addicted people in an advantageous position and the victim may have really nothing to do except repenting over her decision to allow this ‘friend’ to ‘watch’ her for his satisfaction. Hence be careful when choosing a virtual boyfriend. Remember “prevention is better than cure”.

Please Note: Do not violate copyright of this blog. If you would like to use informations provided in this blog for your own assignment/writeup/project/blog/article, please cite it as “Halder D. (2010), “Is your (virtual) boyfriend goading you to show yourself nude? Beware! He might be a cyber sex-addict”, 18^th December,  2010, published in http://debaraticyberspace.blogspot.com/

Match making sites ………do they really match?

CYBER CRIME AGAINST WOMEN BY DEBARATI HALDER

Couple of years back one of my friends had a tiff off with her boyfriend and she decided to take revenge in a unique way…….she created a profile in a matrimonial site with a fictitious name and bio to show her boyfriend how much in demand she is still now.  Fortunately she was wise enough not to give her own personal details except her good old granny’s phone number which she often used as a ‘spare number’ . In no time, her inbox was flooded with proposals asking her to send her picture immediately. Some were from the prospective grooms; some were from the parents of ‘boys’. She played a trick. She chose one proposal from a prospective groom who described himself ‘good looking’, ‘in his thirties’, ‘caring’, ‘well paid’ and ‘only son of parents’. She fixed up an appointment with this Mr. Handsome in a public place (well, she knew it was a ‘game’ so she dared not to see him in a restaurant or a ‘lover’s corner’). He obviously exhibited a very charming picture in his profile page and he indicated that he would be in ‘pink’ shirt as my friend loved that soothing colour. She reached the place in time and hid herself in the crowd to keep a watch on this Mr. Pink. There he appeared, gave a message to her mobile about the exact place where he is standing and told he is eagerly waiting to see his lovely would be bride.; he was medium built, half bald, had a good bulging belly. My friend probably guessed all these. She came back, changed her number and withdrew her profile from the site..........Both of them were not right and my friend promised that never again she would play such tricks...... and perhaps the man was a habitual 'flirt'.

This is not a new story for many readers…..isn’t it?  Cheating through matrimonial sites has become very common phenomena now days. Although the sites do caution the viewer about reliability of the informations provided by the account creators, many parents rely on the face value of the profile holders than the real value of their daughter’s life. At the same time,  I also know another friend of mine who is now leading a blissful married life due to matrimonial site…she chose her husband from the matrimonial site herself after having a thorough investigation done by her friends and acquaintances and finally she even dropped in herself with her parents to check the reality.

            Marriages through online matchmakers really have a 50-50 chance especially when one does not search properly. Internet has given a platform to create numerous avatars of oneself and it has indeed become very easy to cheat. I have noticed that there are sockets which can easily pull the ‘ignorant’ participant/s to the vicious web; these are as follows:

Anxiousness of  parents who want their daughters to get married by hook or crook;

Eagerness to get ‘foren’ bridegrooms;

Presumption that the ‘boy’ really earns and owns a good fortune;

The peculiar Indian mindset that ‘looks really don’t matter for men when they can feed their wives well and look after them comfortably’;

Lack of awareness about the dangerous ‘side effects’ of internet match-makings.

Some may argue……what is so special to talk negatively about internet matchmaking when people can be cheated in offline real life match making too……Well, there IS some thing to talk about. There are always chances that the girl’s personal informations and pictures are misused and her reputation is so much jeopardized that she may never be considered as a ‘good girl’ in the marriage market. What pains me more is, these innocent victims become heavily depressed and withdrawn for some mischievous activities of others.

            Well, the good news is, in India, we do have good laws both under Indian Penal code and also under Information Technology Act which can nail the charlatan. Both these laws can be applied to book the mischief monger under sections dealing with cheating and impersonating primarily and also under provisions which safeguard one’s privacy, reputation etc. But the bad news is,  suing  the matrimonial sites may not be fruitful for the fraudulent activities of the fake ‘prospective groom’, as they enjoy  immunity from this very liability (especially when they have  already exercised due diligence).

Hence the only way to be safe when going for matchmaking through internet is, to search and research and then refresh the search.

Please Note: Do not violate copyright of this blog. If you would like to use informations provided in this blog for your own assignment/writeup/project/blog/article, please cite it as “Halder D. (2010), “Match making sites ………do they really match?”,October  2010, published in  http://debaraticyberspace.blogspot.com/