ONLINE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE LAWYER SPEAKS

I DEDICATE THIS BLOG TO ALL THOSE ABUSED WOMEN WHOSE EX SPOUSES TAKE INTERNET AS A BATTLING GROUND

Couple of months back there were some flash news of online domestic violence : as how spouses take it to the internet to make it a big fight. Most of these spouses are separated but the bitterness still lingers on. Women in the internet are now poor victims of spousal violence which has a grater effect than online harassment. How does the ex-husband target the woman? I was reading some articles on cyber psychology which were published in 2000-01. I got to know that these spouses keep on stalking the ex wives.The email ids are first targets as these men would probably know very well which was the most used email id of their victim/s.In most cases, the abusive spouse would keep on leaving *disturbing* messages in her email inbox , just to provoke her to appear in the verbal duel online.Once the victim looses her patience , the harasser wins and then starts the battle of words. in extreme cases , the abuser even starts posting his victim's pictures and informations for getting more abusive comments from this big bad internet world.The abuser also starts to defame the victim by reaching her friends and leaving filthy messages about her. The game continues even in the social networking websites also. Well.. some times it becomes nothing but beating the bush as women prefer to hide under different screen names in the social networking websites.But this generally doesn't demotivate the abusive ex spouse to search thousands of namesakes of his victim and finally he gets it .. or rather her.. Abusing ex wives is more easy in the social networking websites as the huge audience gets a live news feed when the abuser posts any ugly message about the victim either in her own message box or in other individual's message box.The victim is harassed, defamed and publicly insulted. She may even go for deep traumatic experience. But the question is what do the harasser get by insulting his ex wife publicly? nothing , but mental satisfaction and he feels the world is sympathizing with him. WELL SORRY TO SAY.. NO ONE SYMPATHIZES WITH AN ABUSER . THE INTERNET AUDIENCE ENJOYS THE VERBAL BATTLE AND THEN WITHDRAWS THEIR ATTENTION BECAUSE BY THEN THE HARASSER HAS COMMITTED A HUGE CRIME OF ONLINE DEFAMATION AND STALKING WHICH NO LAW OF ANY COUNTRY FORGIVES.
My friend Mokshda, who specializes on domestic violence laws , opines that online domestic violence or harassing the ex spouses can be a severe crime. The US law specifically tags it as a crime under the Violence against women re authorization Act 2005; similarly the Canadian Penal Code and the Charter of rights and freedoms of Canada addresses online defamation, stalking and harassment of victims of domestic violence as a severe crime.Many provincial laws of Canada are being formulated to prevent stalking as part of domestic violence.However, the laws need to strengthened more to address the specific problem.
But law can only punish the abuser, what happens to the poor women who had already gone through the storm and get to see another huge wave again? The police can nab the abuser , the law can prevent him from such types of socializing any more.It is the women , the victims who have to bear the pain.Can you imagine what may happen to a victim in this condition when she has to parent her child single handedly? How much pressure she may have to go through to suppress her pain, anger , frustration , desperation to live life as it comes. No , it is not the abuser who can be told to stop , because the demon in him would never allow him to stop, but you and me can stop this abuse of internet by simply banning such atrocious actions in the cyber space.Do not pay attention to the abuser and his foolish ways of letting people know how much inhuman he can be. If you get to see one message of such kind, block the sender from sending further such messages. Delete the message and let the world know you don't allow yourself to be an element of harassment for others.

Love, Hate and the cyber space

www.cybervictims.edu.tf

Emotional relationship is a god gifted prize for every individual, for when it is made with positive mode, it may create heaven on earth, but when it breaks, it may pull out the Satan out of you. The cyber space further helps this “Satan” to create Satanic catastrophe.

            I was going through some old news links of cyber flame and read about revenges for failed relationships through internet. In India still, many parents prefer to marry their girl as per their choice and as such bring them up with a close conservative outlook. But then when the girl goes for higher education, it is obvious that she attracts opposite sexes as the obvious rule of nature. He likes her, befriends her and takes her mobile number or email informations, gets to know more about her through social networking websites and starts exchanging sweet messages. Well, that is the best way to hide one’s affair from the computer semi-illiterate older generations. 

Imagine the situation ten years’ back…….. The boy , residing in the same city gets romantically inclined to the girl and lets her know his feelings through a “love letter”. When it reaches parents or very dominating grand parents, all hell break loose and either the girl is accompanied to the college by her elders ( in case she is adamant enough to finish off her education) or she is confined in her house and well prepared aunts, grand parents, sisters, cousins and even sisters in law make her understand how beautiful the life would be after she gets married with the chosen groom and not the “Devdas”. The heart broken chap either takes to drinking or goes in deep depression or he gets more determined to “prove himself”.

The millennium, marked by advanced technology which gripped every individual’s life, brought these sorts of broken hearts a wonderful opportunity to take revenge publicly. They log in with their favorite networking websites and pull the ex sweet heart from the deep corners of their hearts to virtually mutilate her. It is easy to virtually take revenge on women than men because of their sexuality. The broken hearts thus become violent sexual assaulters when they start vandalizing the virtual identity of their ex sweet hearts’, thus creating a numerous range  of cyber offences like cyber sexual bullying, morphing the pictures, creating the girl’s profiles with obscene informations giving away her phone numbers and house address, asking men in search of sexual partners to contact her.  Such individual feels happier with each distress call from the girl asking him to stop …… and why not? He starts feeling that the girl is going through the same pain now as he would have gone through due to the rejection; never knowing and understanding the fact that he had finally turned into a cyber predator himself and a very chosen “offender “ as the laws term these acts as “offences”.

But Man, please think once again………… is this the way to show your love and hatred for the woman who has broken your heart? Remember, she may have thousand reasons to say No and maximum of these reasons could be true. But then an educated man of generation Y must understand that cyber space is not a dueling ground to win back his self respect. This is an open book to show the world how you progress your thoughts and not defame or demoralize others.

Woman you need to go the police … but when?

Friends, I was busy in creating our Centre of Cyber victim counseling for Indian cyber victims(http://www.cybervictims.edu.tf/). Whoooooooooooof, so many obstacles when you plan to do some innovative work and how I was attacked? …. through internet obviously. I was stalked (stalked and me... o yeah... I am also a net surfer after all), bullied (yes my “friends” on the other side picked up verbal duet to make me understand how silly I am ) defamed ( I was “complained” about to my founder –partner of the Centre and even to various forum boards where I had written about my Centre) and still I am virtually alive…...Was this another way to humiliate women?well, from a very feminist view , I would say YES .I am not the only one who had to go through such critical virtual life . Remember? some times ago two young researchers ( they dont belong to our country and this proves how women are targeted every where) were bullied severely in the open forums, blogs websites etc for their personal views which they felt very much "justified"............. then came the case of the blogger who had expressed her thoughts about the famous model in her own personal blog....... unfortuanely in this case both were women and both were equally humiliated by millions of internet users by way of "gossips".

It hurts you know........... not because I am a woman ( well, for all other women who have gone though this) and have emotions a little deeper than my male counterparts, but because I was humiliated without any mistakes of mine.Yup.. that's what the women victims in most cases feel and I am one of them.Well, I must mention that my critics are my best friends , but dude cant you use softer language ? come on .. this is NET ..people are watching you , me and millions of participators/ creators  of "flaming words" in various communities , forums and websites.  We are human beings and do we need this humiliations from a  wider audience?

  Now the question is should I have complained to the police? Some  of my friends say YES I SHOULD HAVE , others say no , you need not. Why not? I am a woman you know and anyone who dares to point at me I dare to take them to the police ……………….the “yes” friends told me. But then why didn’t I go? Hmmmmm something to be discussed and debated over.

1. When you are a woman and you are being stalked by a male identity who refuses to go back home even after you have taken all the safety tips and he keeps on throwing “peculiar” mails or eve teasing remarks , go to the police. Tell them you have taken all sorts of defending measures to save yourself and now it is your turn to hit back. They will hit him back on your behalf.
2. When your email id or your website /blog id is hacked, go the police. Remember the hacker can use you account anyway he/ she wishes to use it. You may suddenly see one day your favorite blog account/website has turned into an office for identity thieves or even porno site.
3. If you see your photo being used for pornography, run to the police.
4. Girl, if you see some suspicious person keeps on ringing your landline and mobile phone and asks you to meet him because he claims to be your “virtual friend” whom you don’t remember / don’t know at all, ask the police to help.

But do remember to visit the “cyber police cell” and not the traditional police stations only.

when to go to the police?

many of the cyber victims whom I have come across in different phases of life , asks me a similar question... "is it the right stage to go to the police?" well, now how do you answer them? not only in India, but in many parts of the world, Police is not familiar with cyber offenses. hence if you are one of those unlucky victims who have a police station nearby where the "incharge" does not know much about cyber laws, leave the "patterns" of cyber crime, you would be a real "victim" of law and justice. I will be dealing with this issue in my next column.. untill then .. prepare for a safe weekend...

Some tips to save yourselves from the cyber crime

As promised, I have come back again with some useful tips to save women online from perpetrators in the social networking websites. When You open an account with a social networking website , you may find a column titled privacy policies . Most of the times we dont have time to go through such articles. but believe me , this can be a good eye opener. I am member of some leading social networking websites . I found many useful tips to save my self and my virtual home from all these websites which were quite common . Here are those tips:
1. Never use your regular email address for socialising in the net. Create different identities for different social networking websites.
2. Never display your real home address, telephone number or your parent's / spouse's phone number.
3. Be very careful while joining any commuity / groups or forums. Check whther it is having any objectionable posts/ comments or threads.
4. If you DO NOT know a person who wants to befriend you , check his / her profile thoroughly , peed into his/ her freinds' groups/ personal message board ( if it is allowed) , albums , his communities and his posts in those communities to know him/ her better. Do not accpet him/ her as a friend if you have suspicion .
5. It is not allways the MALE PROFILE that can cause danger , but also FEMALE PROFILE which may have equal threat to your profile . What if the female is a camouflaged "dirty fellow"?
6. Be careful of what you write in the internet . you may not get any second oppertunity to deny or cancel your statement.
Allways remember , a little precaution can help you to make this "virtual network" a wonderful experience .

Social networking websites and the FUN

Unfortunately we women get most of our disturbances from the social networking websites where we are members. what kinds of disturbances?
1. some one keeps on sending friends' request and he /she is a stranger . we hardly know whether the sender is a genuine person and wants a real friendship. here are some tips to find out the genuineness:
Check out the persons' whole profile . if you find any thing suspicious, just put a full stop then and there.
Did you check his wall or message board? if it is open for viewing having a glimpse .
See his photo album and video clippings .
Check the communities he is member to.
You may get an idea who the person is and what is his real aim.
2. You get an unwanted visitor who keeps of scrapping on your message board. What should you do?
check who is the visitor by thoroughly examining his profile .If you feel he is a "real nuisence " click ignore the person / "block the person" button in your profile and immidiately lock your message book.
3. Are you afraid that your personal photographs may be attakced?
Post some pictures that attract less or nil"sexual comments" ;
Do not "invite" your friends to visit your album . This could lead to inviting more unknown friends through your own friends.
4. Be careful of what you post in your profile. Do not post sensitive data about yourself.
5. Never "fight " with your virtual friends using abusive language. Imagine if they revert back, you may find next morning your message board full of bullying words . There are chances that many of your friends may have seen these "hate-words" before you found it out yourself.
6. Do not try to experiment with banned , mischievous or obscene communities. this may lead you to even more bigger danger zone.

In my next blog I will share some tips to avoid any cyber danger that you may have fallen into.until then Bye from Debarati.

TYPES OF CYBER CRIME WOMEN FACE

Cyber crime, a crime the domain of which can be extended to many unknown spaces, happens most rudely to women. In my article on Cyber crime against women, which was published in Cyberlawtimes.com, I had shown some major types of crimes which attack women only in the net. But here I would like to discuss it broadly. Cyber crime can be of two types, (1) attacking the economy, which is also called e- crime like phishing etc, (2) attacking the individual self through emails and social networking websites. I am going to speak about the second point.
All most all sorts of cyber offences like hacking, pornography, breaching of confidentiality and security which are narrated in our Information technology Act 2000, originate mostly from emails and social networking websites. Other than these, some thing more which many of us women suffer in the internet are stalking and harassment. Many cyber law experts explained stalking as “following” the netizen, each of her steps, her conversations, and her activities are followed silently. And then one day she receives an email revealing all her past activities, (some of which she may have wanted to do secretly) and then continuous blackmailing begins. I would say cyber harassment is even more annoying than any of these. A girl keeps on receiving emails from some known person, well, to be precise, NOT SO WELL KNOWN, asking her many embarrassing questions. How about this case where a girl is having an affair secretly and some one constantly blackmail her on her boy friend? Or she feels a threat that this emailing person would tell the world, especially her parents about her love affair? Or even in case of “jittery Ex- boy friend” who keeps on mailing her putting some bombarding words? Seems you too have heard of these sorts of cases? The other window of inviting headaches is the online chatting. Yahoo messenger, AOL, G talks etc gives us opens ways to make friends and speak with them. The girl slowly opens her heart, gets involved more and more and becomes addicted to chatting. She never knows when these girli girli chats become little mischievous and the person sitting on the opposite may not be a REAL FEMALE. She sends her photos, and the “SHE” too ……of some other female net user and the friendship becomes deeper than ever. Now the story takes a U turn when the girl this side suddenly finds her picture or her story in a very “dirty” forum with her real name publicizing her “naughty desires”. The story can be a bit different too when she gets involved with a male in the chatting box. Many of us have heard about internet chatting – partners turn into real life couples giving a fairy tell finishing of the whole story. The other side of the story is there are some instances also when the girl becomes a FOOL by her net boyfriend who could be even of her father’s age. The male partner one day asks her to step in in the real world from the virtual world at some destination. Imagine the situation where the girl in question finds herself in a DEN or even in a DITCH . If she can escape luckily, she becomes so traumatized that she may even refuse to come back to her normal life