AN APPEAL TO ALL

THIS IS A FORWARD FROM OUR SISTER BLOG @http://cybervictims.blogspot.com/

WE AT CCVC HAVE STARTED 2010 WITH A CAUSE.THE POPULAR SOCIAL NETWORKING WEBSITE ORKUT.COM IS BEING USED BY MANY TO CREATE FAKE PROFILES AND COMMUNITIES WHICH ARE DEFAMING , DEMEANING AND SOME TIMES CARRIES SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENTS. THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE IS NOT RESPONDED WELL BY ORKUT. AS PER THE INDIAN LEGAL STANDARD, SUCH PROFILES AND COMMUNITIES ARE ILLEGAL. BUT UNFORTUNATELY SINCE ORKUT IS GUIDED NOT BY INDIAN LAWS BUT BY UNIVERSAL POLICY GUIDELINES OF ITS OWN (WHICH IS MADE ON THE BASIS OF US FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND EXPRESSION), MANY TIMES INNOCENT VICTIMS HAVE BEEN REFUSED ANY POSITIVE HELP. HENCE WE HAVE FILED AN ONLINE PETITION. THE URL IS http://www.petitiononline.com/ccvc123/petition.html. IF U HAPPEN TO READ THIS BLOG, PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION BOTH IN THIS LINK AS WELL AS IN CCVC'S WEBSITE. WE ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR KIND RESPONSE.
THANK U
DEBARATI
JAISHANKAR

Telephonic eve teasing: Then and now

Recently I was writing an article on Sexting. My subjects were children, but I felt very strange when I finished the whole article .I remembered we , the older generation electronic stuff users ( when compared to these Digi-kids), also faced quite the similar situations when we were young adults.Ten or fifteen years back, we didn't have such huge popularity and usage of mobile phones in India, but we did have regular prank calls in our land lines to remind us that we are WOMEN.And how did it happen? I remember, exactly fifteen years back from today , there was a regular caller to our number who loved to hear our voice. He never got discouraged by daddy's warning,complete silence from our side , or even grandma's old voice. Some how he knew this number belongs to a family who have girls. At the beginning, the caller used to make frantic experiments with his romantic dialogues to befriend me and my sister. Slowly he changed his ways. He started telling how beautiful we are ( ahem... we were pretty healthy and foody , but the caller kept on insisting that we are "beautiful"... enough to make self conscious teens fall for unknown "boy friends" isn't it?) , how sweet we look when we wear the particular shade of pink etc etc...Now, my family being headed by a police chief dad, we were told these are nothing but "disturbing calls" and we should not answer them.Well, we learnt this practical way of what is "eve teasing" and what is "stalking". But things didnt go so smoothly either. One night, after his usual dialogue, the caller suddenly started describing his physic. This was it... As usual, we hung up the receiver for the whole night , but some thing told me and my sister , lets hear today what he is upto.... He did describe himself as a very charming handsome muscleman who can "satisfy any woman"( "satisfy?" we were pretty surprised... innocence you call?).Well, we heard , didn't say anything. But next night he came up with an unusual proposal... how about experiencing some "real hot stuff" over phone? As usual, we silently heard his "ideas". Indeed the caller was a young adult himself who didn't have any such practical sexual experiences , but hey come on, he heard a girl's voice the very first day in this number and planned to "experiment"with his newly acquired "manhood".He told us how he would love to take us to honeymoon to some beach resort and do "all those stuff that married men do".Our instinct told this is not normal. We told the whole incidence to our dad and since the very next night , our "watch man" disappeared.
When we discussed these "funny episodes" with our cousin and friends, they came up with similar stories. Some experiences were very funny, some were really scary, some made the girls to plead their parents to change the phone numbers. As a grown up woman, I now understand that we too had been victims of telephonic eve teasing. Well, those "disturbances" in our times were not so alarming as it is now. We didn't have the open access to internet to immediately publicize the phone number or the residential address to which this number is allotted.But now these "night calls" remain no more "amusing" even if it is done in the land lines. You never know how your silence after a simple "hello" can make you a victim.Well, You are asking about my suggestion ? Hang on.. because I still get such prank calls and I promptly switch off the phone if I get to see the number is "unknown".But as I always say.. ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"

FOR SALE : A WOMAN OF YOUR CHOICE

http://www.cybervictims.edu.tf/

"Forced prostitution" ....... something no woman wants to do but circumstances make her to do  , has become a dreadful reality in today's digital era. A woman's sexuality can be used ( readers please read it as "misuse") in various ways for gain . In this internet era the easiest way to business with women is to upload the real life informations about the woman in target and "exhibit her " for availability for dating, dirty talks and even have her for a night or two. The women are mostly handpicked by men or even women who feel they have been badly hurt by their "targets" and this is the best way to show them that “I can also ruin your life in a better way ". The "target" all of a sudden gets call either in her mobile phone or home phone asking for her "services”. Some even drop at her door step to "have a deal on first come first serve basis". Well, the woman is taken by surprise, her family feels disgusted, friends line up to console her but none really know exactly how the poor woman turned into a virtual "most wanted sexy babe". But a little research on the history of the case may reveal this was but inevitable ............ perhaps her mobile number was displayed in her social networking site or she may have generously distributed her personal number among one and all; similarly, it wont be surprising if her picture is captured from her chosen sites, or her home address was displayed in the internet; the issue becomes more grave if the harasser knows the victim personally offline. The effect could be instant stigma to the woman in question. Even though she may not have any cyber inclination other than just seeing her emails, she may be forced to have a look at these ugly sites against her wishes. But it will be surprising to note that it is not the pornographic or adult dating sites only which are used to victimize the woman ; even good social networking sits are also used to “display” her .Fake profiles may be created about her and enormous “advertisements” about her may do the needful.

Indian cyber audience has witnessed nasty things like this not so long ago and it is increasing in number. While in the west, many of such incidences are immediately reported, Indian mindset makes the woman in question feel traumatized, guilty and ashamed of her self. The situation may need her to cancel her phone number or even change her residential address or constant police protection. But in most cases, these options look tedious and the victim prefers to be as she is …………. silently bearing the brunt, waiting patiently to let the “craze” die down automatically. But one must understand that the poor victim can not be dragged deeper in side the scandalous pool due to mischievous misuse of the cyber space by irresponsible individuals. Some simple precautions like not displaying personal numbers or addresses in the public sites etc   may go a long way to save women from these perfidious incidents. But ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN. The best way to prevent such unwanted incidences could be to prevent one’s too much self exposition for “fun” in the internet and at the same time putting a STOP to the usage of internet for taking revenges. Remember, the law never leaves individual revenge takers, no matter whether he does it in the traditional offline way of hurting the victim in person or by using the electronic and digital medium to damage the victim’s reputation and thereafter attacking her in person.  

ONLINE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE LAWYER SPEAKS

I DEDICATE THIS BLOG TO ALL THOSE ABUSED WOMEN WHOSE EX SPOUSES TAKE INTERNET AS A BATTLING GROUND

Couple of months back there were some flash news of online domestic violence : as how spouses take it to the internet to make it a big fight. Most of these spouses are separated but the bitterness still lingers on. Women in the internet are now poor victims of spousal violence which has a grater effect than online harassment. How does the ex-husband target the woman? I was reading some articles on cyber psychology which were published in 2000-01. I got to know that these spouses keep on stalking the ex wives.The email ids are first targets as these men would probably know very well which was the most used email id of their victim/s.In most cases, the abusive spouse would keep on leaving *disturbing* messages in her email inbox , just to provoke her to appear in the verbal duel online.Once the victim looses her patience , the harasser wins and then starts the battle of words. in extreme cases , the abuser even starts posting his victim's pictures and informations for getting more abusive comments from this big bad internet world.The abuser also starts to defame the victim by reaching her friends and leaving filthy messages about her. The game continues even in the social networking websites also. Well.. some times it becomes nothing but beating the bush as women prefer to hide under different screen names in the social networking websites.But this generally doesn't demotivate the abusive ex spouse to search thousands of namesakes of his victim and finally he gets it .. or rather her.. Abusing ex wives is more easy in the social networking websites as the huge audience gets a live news feed when the abuser posts any ugly message about the victim either in her own message box or in other individual's message box.The victim is harassed, defamed and publicly insulted. She may even go for deep traumatic experience. But the question is what do the harasser get by insulting his ex wife publicly? nothing , but mental satisfaction and he feels the world is sympathizing with him. WELL SORRY TO SAY.. NO ONE SYMPATHIZES WITH AN ABUSER . THE INTERNET AUDIENCE ENJOYS THE VERBAL BATTLE AND THEN WITHDRAWS THEIR ATTENTION BECAUSE BY THEN THE HARASSER HAS COMMITTED A HUGE CRIME OF ONLINE DEFAMATION AND STALKING WHICH NO LAW OF ANY COUNTRY FORGIVES.
My friend Mokshda, who specializes on domestic violence laws , opines that online domestic violence or harassing the ex spouses can be a severe crime. The US law specifically tags it as a crime under the Violence against women re authorization Act 2005; similarly the Canadian Penal Code and the Charter of rights and freedoms of Canada addresses online defamation, stalking and harassment of victims of domestic violence as a severe crime.Many provincial laws of Canada are being formulated to prevent stalking as part of domestic violence.However, the laws need to strengthened more to address the specific problem.
But law can only punish the abuser, what happens to the poor women who had already gone through the storm and get to see another huge wave again? The police can nab the abuser , the law can prevent him from such types of socializing any more.It is the women , the victims who have to bear the pain.Can you imagine what may happen to a victim in this condition when she has to parent her child single handedly? How much pressure she may have to go through to suppress her pain, anger , frustration , desperation to live life as it comes. No , it is not the abuser who can be told to stop , because the demon in him would never allow him to stop, but you and me can stop this abuse of internet by simply banning such atrocious actions in the cyber space.Do not pay attention to the abuser and his foolish ways of letting people know how much inhuman he can be. If you get to see one message of such kind, block the sender from sending further such messages. Delete the message and let the world know you don't allow yourself to be an element of harassment for others.

Love, Hate and the cyber space

www.cybervictims.edu.tf

Emotional relationship is a god gifted prize for every individual, for when it is made with positive mode, it may create heaven on earth, but when it breaks, it may pull out the Satan out of you. The cyber space further helps this “Satan” to create Satanic catastrophe.

            I was going through some old news links of cyber flame and read about revenges for failed relationships through internet. In India still, many parents prefer to marry their girl as per their choice and as such bring them up with a close conservative outlook. But then when the girl goes for higher education, it is obvious that she attracts opposite sexes as the obvious rule of nature. He likes her, befriends her and takes her mobile number or email informations, gets to know more about her through social networking websites and starts exchanging sweet messages. Well, that is the best way to hide one’s affair from the computer semi-illiterate older generations. 

Imagine the situation ten years’ back…….. The boy , residing in the same city gets romantically inclined to the girl and lets her know his feelings through a “love letter”. When it reaches parents or very dominating grand parents, all hell break loose and either the girl is accompanied to the college by her elders ( in case she is adamant enough to finish off her education) or she is confined in her house and well prepared aunts, grand parents, sisters, cousins and even sisters in law make her understand how beautiful the life would be after she gets married with the chosen groom and not the “Devdas”. The heart broken chap either takes to drinking or goes in deep depression or he gets more determined to “prove himself”.

The millennium, marked by advanced technology which gripped every individual’s life, brought these sorts of broken hearts a wonderful opportunity to take revenge publicly. They log in with their favorite networking websites and pull the ex sweet heart from the deep corners of their hearts to virtually mutilate her. It is easy to virtually take revenge on women than men because of their sexuality. The broken hearts thus become violent sexual assaulters when they start vandalizing the virtual identity of their ex sweet hearts’, thus creating a numerous range  of cyber offences like cyber sexual bullying, morphing the pictures, creating the girl’s profiles with obscene informations giving away her phone numbers and house address, asking men in search of sexual partners to contact her.  Such individual feels happier with each distress call from the girl asking him to stop …… and why not? He starts feeling that the girl is going through the same pain now as he would have gone through due to the rejection; never knowing and understanding the fact that he had finally turned into a cyber predator himself and a very chosen “offender “ as the laws term these acts as “offences”.

But Man, please think once again………… is this the way to show your love and hatred for the woman who has broken your heart? Remember, she may have thousand reasons to say No and maximum of these reasons could be true. But then an educated man of generation Y must understand that cyber space is not a dueling ground to win back his self respect. This is an open book to show the world how you progress your thoughts and not defame or demoralize others.

Woman you need to go the police … but when?

Friends, I was busy in creating our Centre of Cyber victim counseling for Indian cyber victims(http://www.cybervictims.edu.tf/). Whoooooooooooof, so many obstacles when you plan to do some innovative work and how I was attacked? …. through internet obviously. I was stalked (stalked and me... o yeah... I am also a net surfer after all), bullied (yes my “friends” on the other side picked up verbal duet to make me understand how silly I am ) defamed ( I was “complained” about to my founder –partner of the Centre and even to various forum boards where I had written about my Centre) and still I am virtually alive…...Was this another way to humiliate women?well, from a very feminist view , I would say YES .I am not the only one who had to go through such critical virtual life . Remember? some times ago two young researchers ( they dont belong to our country and this proves how women are targeted every where) were bullied severely in the open forums, blogs websites etc for their personal views which they felt very much "justified"............. then came the case of the blogger who had expressed her thoughts about the famous model in her own personal blog....... unfortuanely in this case both were women and both were equally humiliated by millions of internet users by way of "gossips".

It hurts you know........... not because I am a woman ( well, for all other women who have gone though this) and have emotions a little deeper than my male counterparts, but because I was humiliated without any mistakes of mine.Yup.. that's what the women victims in most cases feel and I am one of them.Well, I must mention that my critics are my best friends , but dude cant you use softer language ? come on .. this is NET ..people are watching you , me and millions of participators/ creators  of "flaming words" in various communities , forums and websites.  We are human beings and do we need this humiliations from a  wider audience?

  Now the question is should I have complained to the police? Some  of my friends say YES I SHOULD HAVE , others say no , you need not. Why not? I am a woman you know and anyone who dares to point at me I dare to take them to the police ……………….the “yes” friends told me. But then why didn’t I go? Hmmmmm something to be discussed and debated over.

1. When you are a woman and you are being stalked by a male identity who refuses to go back home even after you have taken all the safety tips and he keeps on throwing “peculiar” mails or eve teasing remarks , go to the police. Tell them you have taken all sorts of defending measures to save yourself and now it is your turn to hit back. They will hit him back on your behalf.
2. When your email id or your website /blog id is hacked, go the police. Remember the hacker can use you account anyway he/ she wishes to use it. You may suddenly see one day your favorite blog account/website has turned into an office for identity thieves or even porno site.
3. If you see your photo being used for pornography, run to the police.
4. Girl, if you see some suspicious person keeps on ringing your landline and mobile phone and asks you to meet him because he claims to be your “virtual friend” whom you don’t remember / don’t know at all, ask the police to help.

But do remember to visit the “cyber police cell” and not the traditional police stations only.

when to go to the police?

many of the cyber victims whom I have come across in different phases of life , asks me a similar question... "is it the right stage to go to the police?" well, now how do you answer them? not only in India, but in many parts of the world, Police is not familiar with cyber offenses. hence if you are one of those unlucky victims who have a police station nearby where the "incharge" does not know much about cyber laws, leave the "patterns" of cyber crime, you would be a real "victim" of law and justice. I will be dealing with this issue in my next column.. untill then .. prepare for a safe weekend...