ONLINE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE LAWYER SPEAKS

I DEDICATE THIS BLOG TO ALL THOSE ABUSED WOMEN WHOSE EX SPOUSES TAKE INTERNET AS A BATTLING GROUND

Couple of months back there were some flash news of online domestic violence : as how spouses take it to the internet to make it a big fight. Most of these spouses are separated but the bitterness still lingers on. Women in the internet are now poor victims of spousal violence which has a grater effect than online harassment. How does the ex-husband target the woman? I was reading some articles on cyber psychology which were published in 2000-01. I got to know that these spouses keep on stalking the ex wives.The email ids are first targets as these men would probably know very well which was the most used email id of their victim/s.In most cases, the abusive spouse would keep on leaving *disturbing* messages in her email inbox , just to provoke her to appear in the verbal duel online.Once the victim looses her patience , the harasser wins and then starts the battle of words. in extreme cases , the abuser even starts posting his victim's pictures and informations for getting more abusive comments from this big bad internet world.The abuser also starts to defame the victim by reaching her friends and leaving filthy messages about her. The game continues even in the social networking websites also. Well.. some times it becomes nothing but beating the bush as women prefer to hide under different screen names in the social networking websites.But this generally doesn't demotivate the abusive ex spouse to search thousands of namesakes of his victim and finally he gets it .. or rather her.. Abusing ex wives is more easy in the social networking websites as the huge audience gets a live news feed when the abuser posts any ugly message about the victim either in her own message box or in other individual's message box.The victim is harassed, defamed and publicly insulted. She may even go for deep traumatic experience. But the question is what do the harasser get by insulting his ex wife publicly? nothing , but mental satisfaction and he feels the world is sympathizing with him. WELL SORRY TO SAY.. NO ONE SYMPATHIZES WITH AN ABUSER . THE INTERNET AUDIENCE ENJOYS THE VERBAL BATTLE AND THEN WITHDRAWS THEIR ATTENTION BECAUSE BY THEN THE HARASSER HAS COMMITTED A HUGE CRIME OF ONLINE DEFAMATION AND STALKING WHICH NO LAW OF ANY COUNTRY FORGIVES.
My friend Mokshda, who specializes on domestic violence laws , opines that online domestic violence or harassing the ex spouses can be a severe crime. The US law specifically tags it as a crime under the Violence against women re authorization Act 2005; similarly the Canadian Penal Code and the Charter of rights and freedoms of Canada addresses online defamation, stalking and harassment of victims of domestic violence as a severe crime.Many provincial laws of Canada are being formulated to prevent stalking as part of domestic violence.However, the laws need to strengthened more to address the specific problem.
But law can only punish the abuser, what happens to the poor women who had already gone through the storm and get to see another huge wave again? The police can nab the abuser , the law can prevent him from such types of socializing any more.It is the women , the victims who have to bear the pain.Can you imagine what may happen to a victim in this condition when she has to parent her child single handedly? How much pressure she may have to go through to suppress her pain, anger , frustration , desperation to live life as it comes. No , it is not the abuser who can be told to stop , because the demon in him would never allow him to stop, but you and me can stop this abuse of internet by simply banning such atrocious actions in the cyber space.Do not pay attention to the abuser and his foolish ways of letting people know how much inhuman he can be. If you get to see one message of such kind, block the sender from sending further such messages. Delete the message and let the world know you don't allow yourself to be an element of harassment for others.

Love, Hate and the cyber space

www.cybervictims.edu.tf

Emotional relationship is a god gifted prize for every individual, for when it is made with positive mode, it may create heaven on earth, but when it breaks, it may pull out the Satan out of you. The cyber space further helps this “Satan” to create Satanic catastrophe.

            I was going through some old news links of cyber flame and read about revenges for failed relationships through internet. In India still, many parents prefer to marry their girl as per their choice and as such bring them up with a close conservative outlook. But then when the girl goes for higher education, it is obvious that she attracts opposite sexes as the obvious rule of nature. He likes her, befriends her and takes her mobile number or email informations, gets to know more about her through social networking websites and starts exchanging sweet messages. Well, that is the best way to hide one’s affair from the computer semi-illiterate older generations. 

Imagine the situation ten years’ back…….. The boy , residing in the same city gets romantically inclined to the girl and lets her know his feelings through a “love letter”. When it reaches parents or very dominating grand parents, all hell break loose and either the girl is accompanied to the college by her elders ( in case she is adamant enough to finish off her education) or she is confined in her house and well prepared aunts, grand parents, sisters, cousins and even sisters in law make her understand how beautiful the life would be after she gets married with the chosen groom and not the “Devdas”. The heart broken chap either takes to drinking or goes in deep depression or he gets more determined to “prove himself”.

The millennium, marked by advanced technology which gripped every individual’s life, brought these sorts of broken hearts a wonderful opportunity to take revenge publicly. They log in with their favorite networking websites and pull the ex sweet heart from the deep corners of their hearts to virtually mutilate her. It is easy to virtually take revenge on women than men because of their sexuality. The broken hearts thus become violent sexual assaulters when they start vandalizing the virtual identity of their ex sweet hearts’, thus creating a numerous range  of cyber offences like cyber sexual bullying, morphing the pictures, creating the girl’s profiles with obscene informations giving away her phone numbers and house address, asking men in search of sexual partners to contact her.  Such individual feels happier with each distress call from the girl asking him to stop …… and why not? He starts feeling that the girl is going through the same pain now as he would have gone through due to the rejection; never knowing and understanding the fact that he had finally turned into a cyber predator himself and a very chosen “offender “ as the laws term these acts as “offences”.

But Man, please think once again………… is this the way to show your love and hatred for the woman who has broken your heart? Remember, she may have thousand reasons to say No and maximum of these reasons could be true. But then an educated man of generation Y must understand that cyber space is not a dueling ground to win back his self respect. This is an open book to show the world how you progress your thoughts and not defame or demoralize others.

Woman you need to go the police … but when?

Friends, I was busy in creating our Centre of Cyber victim counseling for Indian cyber victims(http://www.cybervictims.edu.tf/). Whoooooooooooof, so many obstacles when you plan to do some innovative work and how I was attacked? …. through internet obviously. I was stalked (stalked and me... o yeah... I am also a net surfer after all), bullied (yes my “friends” on the other side picked up verbal duet to make me understand how silly I am ) defamed ( I was “complained” about to my founder –partner of the Centre and even to various forum boards where I had written about my Centre) and still I am virtually alive…...Was this another way to humiliate women?well, from a very feminist view , I would say YES .I am not the only one who had to go through such critical virtual life . Remember? some times ago two young researchers ( they dont belong to our country and this proves how women are targeted every where) were bullied severely in the open forums, blogs websites etc for their personal views which they felt very much "justified"............. then came the case of the blogger who had expressed her thoughts about the famous model in her own personal blog....... unfortuanely in this case both were women and both were equally humiliated by millions of internet users by way of "gossips".

It hurts you know........... not because I am a woman ( well, for all other women who have gone though this) and have emotions a little deeper than my male counterparts, but because I was humiliated without any mistakes of mine.Yup.. that's what the women victims in most cases feel and I am one of them.Well, I must mention that my critics are my best friends , but dude cant you use softer language ? come on .. this is NET ..people are watching you , me and millions of participators/ creators  of "flaming words" in various communities , forums and websites.  We are human beings and do we need this humiliations from a  wider audience?

  Now the question is should I have complained to the police? Some  of my friends say YES I SHOULD HAVE , others say no , you need not. Why not? I am a woman you know and anyone who dares to point at me I dare to take them to the police ……………….the “yes” friends told me. But then why didn’t I go? Hmmmmm something to be discussed and debated over.

1. When you are a woman and you are being stalked by a male identity who refuses to go back home even after you have taken all the safety tips and he keeps on throwing “peculiar” mails or eve teasing remarks , go to the police. Tell them you have taken all sorts of defending measures to save yourself and now it is your turn to hit back. They will hit him back on your behalf.
2. When your email id or your website /blog id is hacked, go the police. Remember the hacker can use you account anyway he/ she wishes to use it. You may suddenly see one day your favorite blog account/website has turned into an office for identity thieves or even porno site.
3. If you see your photo being used for pornography, run to the police.
4. Girl, if you see some suspicious person keeps on ringing your landline and mobile phone and asks you to meet him because he claims to be your “virtual friend” whom you don’t remember / don’t know at all, ask the police to help.

But do remember to visit the “cyber police cell” and not the traditional police stations only.